BSC: Goodbye (Jean x Marco)

BEHIND THE SURVEY CORPS: GOODBYE

Jean found his best friend Marco, killed and left in terrible conditions, drenched in his own blood, cold and absent. He knew he was too late but still, Jean tried to wake Marco up. Gently shaking him, talking to him, yelling, but nothing worked out. Jean clenched onto his friend’s jacket, softly sobbing, as he noticed an envelope covered in blood in Marco’s hand. The letter inside was addressed to Jean Kirschtein.


Dear Jean,

I’m so sorry.
If you find this letter in my hand, or in my pocket, it means I failed.

I was looking forward to joining the Military Police with you. And I don’t know if we ever succeeded by the time you read this letter. You see, I wrote this letter shortly after we met. I wrote it because I have feelings towards you. Don’t get me wrong, Jean. You are an amazing friend and I know you like that black-haired girl with the red scarf…Mikasa, I think?
But the truth is, Jean, I’ve had feelings for you since the day we met. I knew you were more than a friend to me. But was I more than a friend to you?
I think I’ll never really know the answer…

Please, Jean, when you find this letter…don’t share it with the others. I want you to keep this between us. As friends…best friends?
And please, don’t cry. I beg you. Don’t cry for me, Jean Kirschtein. I know I failed to keep my promise. I wanted to stay with you until the end of days and fight the Titans.

Jean.
I promise I’ll be standing by your side every time of the day. I’ll be with you when you’re eating, training, having fun and so on. I’ll be with you when you face the Titans and risk your life for Humanity and I will be there while you’re asleep to protect you from nightmares.

Jean Kirschtein,
I’m so sorry.
But don’t cry.
We’ll meet again.
Stay strong and fight for freedom while you still can.
Fight for me.

Thanks,
Marco Bodt.


It was the day after Jean found his friend’s body. He spent the night walking around the headquarters talking to himself. It was mainly about how stupid and weak he was and why he couldn’t prevent Marco’s death. Jean found himself blaming his own stupidity and ego for Marco’s death but everyone knew it wasn’t his fault.
Earlier that day, Eren tried to comfort Jean by telling faith decided it was time for Marco to leave. It was Mikasa who prevented Jean from crying in public as she gave him a warm hug.
The whole day, Mikasa took care of Jean as if he was Eren. They talked about Marco and what happened that day. She even helped him writing a farewell letter for the session that took place at the evening.

At the evening, everyone had gathered at the farewell session for those who didn’t survive the last Titan attack. Marco was one of them.
Jean was the last one to step forward and bring a final tribute to a lost friend. His shaking hand took the letter he wrote together with Mikasa from his pocket.


My dear friend,
Marco Bodt.

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know if you can see me…or hear me.
All I know is that you’re here…somewhere.

Last night, I’ve been wondering. Why? Why you, Marco? Why you and not me?
We would spend our lives together…as best friends.
We would join the Military Police together.

There’s so much we wanted to do.
Filling Eren’s pillow with custard.
Hiding Mikasa’s scarf (she gave me an angry look as she was sitting next to me, helping me writing this).
Switch Reiner’s and Bertholdt’s underwear.
Cover Annie’s hoodie in chocolate spread.
Throw Commander Pixis’ flask off the wall.
Paint Eren’s gear pink.
Yell “TITANS” in the middle of training and run off.
Draw faces on Sasha’s potatoes.

I probably forgot a lot of things but I have a reason for that. The memories, yeah? They hurt. I know you asked me not to cry…and to stay strong. But it’s so hard, Marco. It’s so hard. You were the only one who really understood what I meant.

And now…you’re gone.
I know you said you’ll be by my side, Marco, but how will I ever know if you hear what I’m saying? How will I ever know you’re standing by my side when I’m fighting Titans? How will I ever know you’re watching over me when I’m sleeping?

Please, Marco, I need answers.

Sweet dreams, Marco Bodt. I’ll never forget you.

Your dearest friend,
Jean Kirschtein.